‘Wait. This film is about a crime.’ A very 2024 recap of Bridget Jones’ Diary.

Moments later, Bridget overhears Mark tell his mum, “I do not need a blind date. Especially with some verbally incontinent spinster who smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish and dresses like her mother.”

This. Woman. Is. Having. A. Truly. Horrible. Day.

Listen to Cancelled, on Bridget Jones’ Diary. Post continues after audio.

However. In Mark’s defence. She does appear to have a problem with alcohol. In that she seems to be inebriated and it’s mid-morning. 

But shhh because all single women are alcoholics and all alcoholics are single women and there are simply no exceptions to that rule. 

At home, Bridget sits and watches Frasier which is infinitely more dismal than anything that’s happened so far. 

Luckily, she realises that her life is impossibly sad (the woman lives by herself in a two-story apartment in London on the salary of a publicity assistant, her life seems great???), and things need to change. So she starts a new diary. 

She writes down her entirely normal weight, how many cigarettes she’s smoking, how much alcohol she’s drinking, how single she is, etc, and vows to change it all. Starting with giving up lusting over her boss, which is unfortunately impossible, because her boss happens to be Hugh Grant in his prime. 

Oh. Image: Stan.