‘How many pillows you sleep with tells me everything I need to know about you.’

If you sleep with three pillows.

Odd numbers… interesting. I’m assuming you’re a one under the head, one under the arm and one between the legs person? Look. I’m going to be honest, I have no notes.

The only issue is, is that you now can’t sleep any other way. The minute your thighs touch at night, it jolts you awake as you scramble in bed in search of your third pillow.

You’re also deeply concerned that someone might walk in on you sleeping in that… position. However, you’re not concerned enough to change your ways. Keep slaying.

If you sleep with four pillows.

Hello perfect princess. You are absolutely stunning and nailing life right now. If you couldn’t tell, I am one of those people who sleeps with the correct amount four pillows.

You have everything going for you. Your four pillows are there to protect you from all the evil in the world. You wake up on a fluffy cloud every morning with your pillows to greet you and push you into the day ahead.

Your partner constantly asks if you could remove some pillows from the bed because they’re taking up too much space. You tell your partner, “Maybe you should remove yourself from my pillow’s space instead.” It sounds harsh, but it’s what they deserve for asking such a ridiculous question.

If you sleep with five or more pillows.

Bestie, we need to talk. What’s going on? Can you even hear me under all those pillows? I’m expecting you to remember everything I’ve written so far with all that memory foam that’s piled around you.