Allison Holker lost her husband ‘tWitch’ to suicide. There’s one thing she wants him to know.

Holker said that teaching her kids that it’s okay to grieve has been crucial. She also said she wants them to feel joy again, even if it’s amid feelings of loss.

“We had a moment months after everything happened. We were in our kitchen and it was our first laugh [since tWitch’s death]. We shared this wild, wild laughter. And then immediately we looked at each other and stopped. Because then there was almost immediate regret and grief from feeling bad about having this laughter,” Holker recounted. 

“We hugged it out, cried and were like ‘Yeah, we can laugh. We can do that.’ It’s something I’ll never forget.”

Just three days before tWitch’s passing, the couple had celebrated their ninth wedding anniversary. Speaking on The Kelly Clarkson Show this week, Holker said she didn’t dance for months following her husband’s death.

“I didn’t know if I was ever going to dance again. It was something we treasured together,” she said.

“I was scared of dancing again because it would make it [him no longer being here] real. But I can do the hard thing. So I brought my friend over and we danced together. And I felt free. It was healing.”

If you think you may be experiencing depression or another mental health problem, please contact your general practitioner. If you’re based in Australia, 24-hour support is available through Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyondblue on 1300 22 4636.

Feature Image: The Ellen DeGeneres Show/Instagram.