A supermarket employee, Kylie Jenner and a pregnancy theory too unhinged to be true.

Kylie Jenner is pregnant with Timothée Chalamet’s Wonka baby. Or at least, this is what some rogue supermarket employee has claimed.

But wait… how did we get here? 

This story is too unhinged to be true — and that’s because it probably isn’t. 

Let’s start from the very beginning. A man was born on May 29, 1975. This man was writer and comedian Daniel Tosh.

Okay, maybe not that far back. I’ll backtrack to the start of the week. Daniel Tosh hosts a podcast, as is obligatory for any relatively famous man in their 40s, and this podcast is ingeniously titled Tosh Show. Flawless. 

On this week’s Tosh Show, the Tosh in question (Daniel Tosh, keep up) made a bold claim. 

A claim that he had found out from some random man in a supermarket that Kylie Jenner and her boyfriend of almost a year, Timothée Chalamet, were expecting their first child. 

“Here’s something crazy,” Tosh began, as all legitimate reports should start.

“I went to the grocery store in Malibu, and I was talking to an employee there. I try to avoid it but I was talking to this guy, and I said, ‘Why were you guys closed yesterday?’ He goes, ‘Well, I’m not supposed to discuss it, but Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the show, was filming their season finale here yesterday,’” Tosh claimed. 

I will quickly butt in here to say that the current iteration of the show is titled The Kardashians — a show apparently just filmed inside the premises — so I’m already concerned about this man’s credibility.